Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
