I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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