i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And then my night got REAL pukey
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
