its not stalking. its research.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
