omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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