I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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