dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
