so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
