What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
