I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I deserve this hangover.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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