I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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