They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
