im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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