dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
