you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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