this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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