Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
