we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
