I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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