I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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