In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
