I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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