who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
