wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
