Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
