I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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