im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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