Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
