Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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