You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
