did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
