You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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