Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
