listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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