I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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