Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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