I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
