The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
