He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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