I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I looked at my own cervix.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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