1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
