i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
