she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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