yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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