Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
