Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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