Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
