Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
