She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
