I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
