Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
