i wish my penis had a tongue
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
