i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Randomize
