God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
