Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My dick has a subreddit
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
