who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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